


want you more than a melody

by lallemanting



Series: tumblr prompts [5]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: All The Tropes, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Prompt Fill, Sharing a Bed, back to regularly scheduled yearning, idiots to lovers, like really dumb, they're oblivious and dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22803142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lallemanting/pseuds/lallemanting
Summary: “Please don’t be mad,” Eliott is saying, an index finger running over his bottom lip, “but I need your help with something.”“What’s going on?” Lucas asks, knowing full well he’ll probably agree to whatever Eliott needs. It’s his heart, really, that’s to blame: open and waiting for any chance to be close to Eliott, the damn thing. A weakness Eliott doesn’t even realize he’s exploiting.or, for the prompts: rainy day, sharing a blanket, and staying over in bad weather
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Series: tumblr prompts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1471427
Comments: 22
Kudos: 325





	want you more than a melody

**Author's Note:**

> my fave elu is oblivious pining fools, so here you go! title is from sunflower, vol. 6 by harry styles
> 
> ([here](https://lallemanting.tumblr.com/post/190913524126/1-40-86) is the tumblr post for anyone who prefers to read it over there)

Lucas should never have agreed to this. 

Thirty seconds to launch and at the feeling of Eliott’s hand reaching for his own as they stand on Eliott’s parents doorstep, Lucas is regretting every stupid thought in his head that made him think that this would be okay, that he could handle this, not make a fool of himself. 

Because when Eliott’s fingers interlace with his own, as he softly squeezes Lucas’ hand and shoots him a comforting smile, a fire lights in Lucas’ chest and it’s all he can do to keep from spilling everything he’s kept inside for months. It’s cruel what he’s done, teasing himself with the one thing he’s been wishing for only for it to mean nothing to Eliott, a ruse born out of necessity and convenience.

It had all started last week when Eliott had texted him out of the blue about an “emergency” he needed Lucas’ help with. Lucas, in his infinite (and very lovestruck) wisdom had rushed over to Eliott’s apartment after work, their favorite takeout in hand, ready to deal with whatever had happened, expecting, as per usual, a date gone wrong or a bad day at work. 

Instead, Eliott had sat Lucas down with a rather sheepish expression on his face, wringing his hands together in his nervousness.

_“Please don’t be mad,” Eliott is saying, an index finger running over his bottom lip, “but I need your help with something.”_

_“What’s going on?” Lucas asks, knowing full well he’ll probably agree to whatever Eliott needs. It’s his heart, really, that’s to blame: open and waiting for any chance to be close to Eliott, the damn thing. A weakness Eliott doesn’t even realize he’s exploiting._

_Eliott pauses as he chooses his words, his voice quiet when he speaks. “So I was talking to my mom the other day,” he starts, glancing up to Lucas, who nods, encouraging him to keep going, “and you know how she’s been since Lucille and I broke up last year.”_

_Lucas nods again, and he briefly thinks about reaching out and grabbing Eliott’s hand in his own just to stop the nervous fidgeting, but he quickly thinks better of it. He can’t, no matter how painfully his heart throbs, because that’s not what friends do._

_(It’s silly how often he’s had to remind himself of that these days: which things he can get away with and which he can’t. It’s become a bit of a mantra: you’re his friend. Don’t try to bend something that can break. You won’t be able to pick up the pieces.)_

_So he settles instead for having Eliott around how he can. Like this: a friend in need of advice and apparently, his help._

_And yes, he does know what Eliott’s talking about. As much as he loves Eliott’s mom, she can be a bit much sometimes, especially when it comes to her son. When Eliott and Lucille had finally broken up for good a little before the holidays over a year ago, she was constantly checking in that Eliott was truly okay. The breakup had surprised Eliott’s family, and honestly, even Lucas himself, who had expected them to get back together a few weeks down the road, like they always did._

_But when Eliott had shown up at Lucas’ apartment that night, tears running down his face, the split had seemed more final. And in the end, it stuck. Once Eliott’s mom had accepted that she was constantly asking if Eliott had found someone else, determined, it seemed, to make sure Eliott wasn’t alone._

_(Not that Eliott would ever be alone, Lucas had thought bitterly, because he had Lucas. But it wasn’t really the same thing, no matter how often Lucas would lie awake at night wishing it was.)_

_“Well,” Eliott continues, “she’s been asking, like she normally does if I’m seeing anyone.” He pauses, takes a deep breath. “And then she asked if I was seeing you.”_

_Lucas’ breath gets caught in his throat and he nearly chokes. He whips his head up from where he was watching Eliott’s hands to stare at him. “What?”_

_Eliott smiles sheepishly. “Yeah, she, uh, has asked a few times actually. My whole family thinks we’re secretly dating and just don’t want to tell them, but I never said anything because it doesn’t matter. Since we’re, uh, not dating.”_

_Lucas’ heart hammers loudly in his chest. Has he been so obvious that Eliott’s entire family had picked up on the way he feels? He’s only met them a few times, had a few dinners at Eliott’s parent’s house, but surely that wasn’t enough for them to notice._

_Lucas’ face grows hot. “Uh, okay,” he manages._

_“But the thing is,” Eliott continues, his voice a little higher than usual, “I was talking to my mom the other day and she kept asking if I was dating anyone and said if I was I should bring them to our big family get together and you know how awful that was when I went alone last year – everyone asking me what happened and if Lucille and I were getting back together and when I would find someone new…” He trails off for a moment. “And then she asked about us again and I panicked.”_

_Lucas just stares at him. “Okay?”_

_“So I, uh, yeah...I accidentally told her we were dating,” Eliott says in a rush, his gaze dropping to the floor. Lucas’ heart stops. “And that I would bring you to the party.”_

_Lucas forgets how to speak for a moment. “You did what?” he sputters, his heart seeming to be fighting a winning battle against his ribcage._

_“I panicked!” Eliott says, looking at Lucas like he’s trying to gauge his reaction. “I’m sorry.”_

_Lucas can’t help the uncontrollable laughter that bubbles up in that moment, because if Eliott panicked, Lucas can guarantee he’s panicking harder, his mind racing with a need to know what this means, why Eliott would say he was dating Lucas of all people. “Eliott!” he shouts, laughing harder. “You can’t just tell people we’re dating when we’re not!”_

_Eliott, who had been looking at Lucas a bit apprehensively, also starts laughing, looking thoroughly embarrassed but still a bit relieved at Lucas’ reaction. “I know,” he groans. “I swear it was an accident. It just came out.”_

_It takes Lucas a moment before he calms down enough to continue speaking. “What are you gonna do now?”_

_“That’s why I need your help,” Eliott admits, running a hand through his hair and Lucas realizes he’s not done._

_Lucas lifts an eyebrow. He knows where this is going. “Eliott…”_

_“Could we pretend? Please? Just for the day,” Eliott rushes out. “Just a few hours with my family and then in a few weeks I’ll tell my mom we broke up or something, I promise. I just can’t face this party alone and I already told her I’m dating you, so...please, Lucas.”_

_If Lucas is consistent in anything it’s being unable to deny Eliott anything. He ignores the way his heart flutters traitorously, pushes down the fear at the pain he’ll feel at being so close to something, but not having it be real._

_He sighs. “Fine.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Yes, Eliott. I can pretend for the party. It’s just one afternoon, right?”_

_Eliott nods, a grateful smile spreading across his face. “Yeah just one afternoon, and then we can pretend like none of this happened.” Lucas’ heart sinks to his stomach. “Thank you, Lucas. You’re the best friend ever.”_

_Lucas just smiles back at him, hoping it doesn’t look too much like a grimace. He can pull this off, if only for Eliott’s sake. How difficult can it be, really?_

Extremely difficult as it turns out. They had talked it through briefly: when they started dating (two months ago), who asked the other one out (Eliott had declared he’d obviously be the one to break down and admit it first which had caused a very uncomfortable feeling in Lucas’ chest), why they haven’t said anything before (they didn’t want to jinx it before they knew if it would work), and how it’s going ( _incredibly_ , Eliott had answered, _how could it not?_ ). In the end, Lucas had felt almost high at the way Eliott had been talking them as an _us_ , at the way he had been looking at him. But he’d had to remind himself several times that it was all for show.

So now, as they stand on the front steps to Eliott’s parent’s house, their fingers laced together, Lucas has to take a deep breath to steady his racing heart, preparing himself for what will inevitably be one of the best afternoons of his life, only to have it ripped away in a few hours. He squeezes Eliott’s hand back.

Eliott knocks and it takes all of three seconds for the door to swing open wide, revealing Eliott’s mother. A huge smile spreads across her face at the sight of them standing there, which only grows wider at the sight of their joined hands. 

“Eliott, Lucas! I’m so glad you’re here,” she says, beckoning them inside the house. As they take off their shoes and coats, she hugs them each in turn, her embrace strong and warm. 

“Lucas,” she whispers as she hugs him, “it is _so_ lovely to see you again sweetheart. I am so happy you’re here.” Lucas’ heart pinches at how happy she sounds, knowing it’s all a lie. 

“I’m so happy I’m here too,” he whispers back. “Thank you for letting me come.”

They separate and she laughs. “Of course. You’re always welcome here. And now that you’re Eliott’s boyfriend...” Lucas’ pulse quickens at _that_ word being used to describe him. He tries to ignore it. “I hope you know that I would have invited you myself, but _someone_ ,” she shoots an accusatory look over at Eliott, “forgot to mention the two of you had finally started dating until the very last minute.”

Eliott groans. “Mom, I told you, we wanted to just keep it between us for a while. It was different, since you already know him.”

His mom just smiles back. “I know, darling, I know. Come on, everyone is already inside.”

It’s been raining all day, large droplets decorating the windows and reflecting the lights off the fire. The sky is gray and the air is cold, but here in Eliott’s parent’s living room, everything is warm.

The minute Lucas had walked into the Demaury house, he’d been engulfed by several relatives trying either to introduce themselves, or say hello again. It was surprising, really, just how many of Eliott’s family members seemed to know about him already, despite Eliott only telling his parents they were dating a week ago. But it’s nice to feel so welcome, to have people beaming at them, smiles only growing bigger at the sight of their joined hands. 

Even Eliott’s father, who had always greeted Lucas with a firm handshake before now, had pulled him in for a strong hug, whispering how good it was to see him. 

It’s hard not to feel a little bad for lying to all of them.

They’re sitting now, waiting for dinner to be ready, gathered around the small sitting room on spare chairs and couches Eliott’s parents had managed to cobble together.

There’s a fire roaring in the fireplace, and an even brighter flame burning from where Eliott’s hand is resting on Lucas’ knee, squeezing ever so slightly every time someone makes a comment about the two of them.

And it’s a little ridiculous how good this all feels, how natural. Eliott near him, the two of them together, other people seeing them together, thinking, _believing_ they’re in love. Lucas could almost believe it himself, with the way Eliott looks at him, stays close to him, smiles at him and it all veers dangerously close to building something like hope in his chest. 

He thinks if he let it, this whole thing would fan the embers in his heart, leading to blazing fire, an inescapable all-consuming catastrophe that would swallow him whole. So he doesn’t let it. Instead, he reminds himself every few minutes what this is: a favor to help a _friend_ , nothing more. 

But all of that is really hard to focus on when Eliott is sitting so close and his thumb is rubbing soft circles on the outside of Lucas’ knee. It’s so hard to focus on anything else, in fact, that he misses a question aimed at him from Eliott’s favorite aunt.

He’s brought back to himself when Eliott nudges him with his shoulder. 

“Hmm?” Lucas asks, blinking a few times and looking towards Eliott.

Eliott chuckles a little to himself. “Inès asked what you’re up to these days,” he explains.

“Oh, uh,” Lucas blinks again and then turns to look at the older woman smirking at him, the corners of her mouth turned up in a way very similar to how Eliott’s do when he teases him. He forces himself not to dwell on the image of Eliott that conjures up. “Med school. Uh, I’m in medical school.”

Eliott’s aunt exchanges impressed glances with a few of Eliott’s cousins sitting nearby and Eliott’s thumb stops its ministrations only to shift his hand up Lucas’ leg a little, gently squeezing his thigh. Lucas suppresses a gasp. 

“He’s _very_ smart,” Eliott says, looking at Lucas with something akin to pride. But Eliott has always been proud of Lucas, just like, you know, in a friendly way. Lucas smiles back and then Eliott turns back to his aunts who look like they want to congratulate him on nabbing a future doctor. And in the cacophony of their voices Lucas almost misses it when Eliott adds, _I’m very lucky_. 

But he doesn’t.

Instead it catches him off-guard how genuine the words sound in Eliott’s mouth and it’s the surprise he blames it on later when he leans over and kisses Eliott’s cheek softly, Eliott’s skin staining a soft pink under his lips.

The chorus of _awws_ from Eliott’s aunts and cousins break Lucas out of his trance just enough to remind him of the role he’s supposed to be playing. 

“I’m the lucky one,” he says, really only because he should as Eliott’s fake boyfriend and not at all because he’s been thinking it since the moment Eliott walked into his life.

And so the way Eliott’s whole face flushes red at Lucas’ words also must be the product of some really good acting.

Eliott looks up at Lucas and their eyes meet, and then Lucas feels himself blushing and the whole thing is ridiculous, really, so Lucas lets out a nervous giggle.

“You two are too cute,” Inès says, her voice once again breaking through the fog. “It’s disgusting really.”

And then the moment passes, left somewhere in the bottom of their wine glasses as they make their way to the dinner table. A moment only, where it didn’t feel so much like pretending, the kind of moment that will sit in Lucas’ heart and make it ache weeks from now as Lucas tries to fall asleep. 

It’s only when Inès stops him in the hallway between dinner and dessert as he brings dishes into the kitchen, volunteering to help Eliott’s mom, that everything comes rushing back, when real feelings flood over the dam he’s built, coloring his face and his words and his heart.

“You know, I wasn’t sure you two would ever happen,” she says, her voice low so as not to be heard from where they stand in the hallway.

“Oh?”

She nods. “We used to tease him about you _all_ the time, but he kept saying it wasn’t like that, that the two of you weren’t like that. But I knew. I could see it in the way he talked about you.”

Lucas nearly forgets how to breathe. “You could?”

“It wasn’t exactly hard to tell,” she laughs. “Honestly, I think he’s been in love with you for a long time, long before he realized it.”

Lucas feels like he might faint.

“I’m just so glad you two finally talked about it,” she says. “From what I’ve seen, and heard, I think you’re very good for each other.”

Lucas swallows, forcing air in and out of his lungs, the weight in his heart suddenly heavier, because it _hurts_ , all these people seeing what he’s been wishing was true all along. Seeing things that don’t exist.

But Inès is looking at him expectantly and Lucas promised Eliott he’d go along with it so he says something that doesn’t feel like a lie.

“I think we’re good for each other too.”

Slowly but surely Eliott’s relatives trickle out of the house and start to head home as evening turns to night. But Lucas makes no push to leave, content to live in this bubble they’ve created for a little longer, knowing it’ll pop once they make it outside. They sit there by the fire until it’s only the two of them and Eliott’s parents.

But somewhere in between the hours of wine and board games the rain has turned to snow, coating the ground in a thick layer of slick ice. It’s fallen silently and fast, unnoticed by the people inside the house until the lights flicker once, twice, and go out.

Lucas frantically reaches out in the dark, his hand finding Eliott’s who pulls him close, laughing a little at him.

“Are you...scared of the dark?” Eliott whispers, his mouth close to Lucas’ ear, just as Eliott’s dad finds a flashlight and clicks it on.

Lucas shoves Eliott’s shoulder, now visible in the light. “No.”

“No?”

“I’m not scared!” Lucas protests, but weakly, as Eliott gently squeezes his fingers.

“Whatever you say,” Eliott laughs.

Eliott’s dad pulls back the curtain and looks through the glass at the swirling storm outside. It’s coated nearly everything now, the street disappearing under a layer of white, road indistinguishable from sidewalks and lawns.

“You can’t go home in this,” he announces. “I doubt the buses are running anyway. You’ll have to stay here.”

Lucas feels the panic rise up slightly. Because the afternoon, he could do. The evening, he could do. But spending a night and then another morning with just Eliott’s parents while pretending to be Eliott’s boyfriend while also not letting on that he’s actually in love with Eliott? It’s too much.

Eliott must feel the way he tenses next to him because he brings up a soothing hand to smooth down his arm, his other hand still firmly grasping Lucas’. 

“You okay?” he whispers, concern evident on his face even in the dim light of the flashlight.

“Yeah, yeah,” Lucas replies, forcing a laugh to hide his discomfort. “I just, uh, wasn’t prepared to stay over.”

Eliott’s mom appears next to him, her hand finding his shoulder as she clicks on another flashlight. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” she says, “you can stay in Eliott’s old room with him and I’m sure he has an old t-shirt here he can let you borrow. Oh! And there’s extra toothbrushes under the sink in his bathroom for both of you. I keep them stocked for guests these days.”

Lucas smiles gratefully at her and tries not to focus too hard on the _staying in Eliott’s room with him_ part of what she said, but it’s hard, the way his heartbeat takes off with the words.

“Thanks mom,” Eliott says and then he’s leaning close to Lucas again, an assault on his senses. “It’s getting late. Want to go to bed?”

Lucas can only nod.

They say their goodnights to Eliott’s parents and then they’re climbing the stairs, slowly, using the flashlight as a guide and carrying a water bottle to brush their teeth and wash their faces with.

Eliott leads Lucas to the bathroom first, and Lucas follows willingly, blaming it on the fact that they have to share one flashlight and he needs to conserve his phone’s battery. They brush their teeth side by side and even in the awkward shadows created by the flashlight precariously balancing on the counter, it feels so domestic, so sweet, something in Lucas’ stomach twists. 

And then Eliott is leading Lucas to his bedroom, and even though Lucas has been here before, has seen it several times in the light of day, he’s never seen it like this, never seen it knowing he’s supposed to stay there. 

Eliott leaves Lucas standing awkwardly by the door as he goes over to his dresser, rooting around in the drawers and pulling out two t-shirts, tossing one at Lucas from across the room. Lucas turns the shirt over in his hands, a soft faded blue thing from one of Eliott’s summer jobs in high school, and despite the years of sitting in the drawer without Eliott wearing it, it still smells so much like Eliott, so much like his house that Lucas can’t help but take a deep breath, drinking it all in.

From across the room Eliott is pulling off his sweater, arms raised above his head, the long lines of his torso suddenly becoming all-too-visible and Lucas has to force himself to look away, still rooted to where Eliott left him by the door. 

As Eliott pulls his t-shirt over his head, he must notice Lucas standing there looking at the floor, unable to decide what he should be doing right now.

“Sorry, do you want me to leave?” Eliott says, his voice wavering like he’s second-guessing himself. “I didn’t think about it, but I can leave you to change if you want.”

But then Lucas thinks that this, him making a big deal out of this, is probably the worst thing he could do. Because they’re _friends_ at the very least and friends don’t even think about changing shirts in front of each other, and he’s the one making it weird…

“No,” he says quickly. “No, it’s fine. Let me just–” And then he reaches down to pull his own sweater over his head, fumbling with the t-shirt slightly as he puts it on. He looks up at Eliott, who he thinks he catches looking away, and then he’s also unbuttoning his jeans and taking them off, leaving him standing in only his boxers and his shirt, because really, Eliott can’t expect him to sleep in _jeans_ …

And then they’re both standing at the base of Eliott’s double bed in Eliott’s old t-shirts and boxers and Lucas feels his heart beating a little irregularly.

“Um, I can, uh, sleep on the floor if you want,” Eliott says quietly, giving Lucas an opportunity, a way out. But he knows he’s not going to take it.

“If anyone is sleeping on the floor in _your_ house, it’s me,” Lucas says, averting his eyes. “But no, I think the bed’s plenty big enough for us to share. As long as you don’t steal the blankets.”

“I don’t steal blankets!” Eliott laughs, affronted.

Lucas raises an eyebrow at him. And then they’re collapsing into fits of giggles as they make their way towards Eliott’s bed and whatever tension was there before seems to have seeped away. Lucas is grateful for that, how quickly they can fall back into being friends.

Finally, as they lie side by side in Eliott’s old bed, Lucas lets himself relax. He can do this, one night, sleeping next to Eliott.

“Goodnight Lucas,” Eliott says, his words caught up in a yawn.

Lucas smiles. “Goodnight Eliott.”

And then he turns on his side, his back to Eliott and lets sleep take over.

He should never have agreed to this. 

It’s the only thought that races through his head as he lies wrapped in Eliott’s arms in Eliott’s childhood bedroom, moonlight streaming in through the crack in the curtain. After drifting into an uneasy sleep, he’d woken up a few hours later to find he and Eliott had drifted towards each in the night. Probably due to the temperature, Lucas reasons.

The power’s been out for a few hours now, and without the heat from the fire, the room has grown cold, his breath threatening to become visible in the air. The storm rages outside, wind thundering past the windows, but here, in Eliott’s embrace under the pile of blankets Eliott’s mother found for them, Lucas feels warm and safe.

So it should be easy to fall asleep, then, clearly, Eliott’s soft breaths rustling Lucas’ hair, his chest rising and falling under Lucas’ cheek, but Lucas can’t help the way his mind races and fights with him–enjoying this far too much and desperately wishing it meant more than it does.

He feels like a boy trapped on a sinking boat, toeing delicately with the rules he’s had to establish to keep himself from drowning, but he should have known there was no way to stop it once it started.

It was supposed to be a one-time thing, over quickly and forgotten, but it’s only made Lucas fall harder.

Lucas curses his past self as Eliott shifts in his sleep, turning more on his side but his arms never loosening their grip.

Eliott lets out a contented sigh as his legs move to tangle with Lucas’ and Lucas can’t help but think he should go grab a glass of water, take a break from this situation to let himself calm down, recognize this for what it is. Because Eliott is asleep and who knows who his dream self is thinking of, who his dream self imagines he’s holding, but it’s not Lucas, it’s never Lucas and it can’t let this go on.

Because the thing is, in the darkness of night as the storm swirls around them, it’s all starting to feel too real, a night Lucas will think about again and again, wishing he could replicate it. And he needs to remind himself that it’s only for the night, a result of extenuating circumstances. That’s all.

He moves to roll out of Eliott’s arms, delicately, without waking him. But the minute he shifts more than an inch from Eliott’s body, Eliott moves to press Lucas close to him again.

Lucas groans and wonders what bad thing he did recently that’s warranted this punishment.

“Lucas?” Eliott whispers, his voice sleep-worn and quiet as it breaks through the silence around them. “Where’re you going?”

“I was just going to get some water,” Lucas replies, ignoring the feeling in the pit of his stomach at Eliott’s voice, at Eliott saying his name.

“No,” Eliott says, like a petulant child, shifting again in the bed and reaching out to secure the blankets more tightly around both their shoulders. “Stay here,” he mumbles, pushing at Lucas’ shoulder who can’t do anything but comply. Lucas turns to face away from Eliott as Eliott moves in to spoon him, wrapping Lucas up in his arms, his chest pressing firmly against Lucas’ back. “I want you here.”

And Lucas has never been one to deny him.

When Lucas wakes, it’s to a warm cocoon and Eliott’s arms wrapped around his waist, his nose tucked into his neck.

He’s so comfortable and warm that he almost immediately sinks back into sleep but then he suddenly remembers where he is, the night before flooding back to him and he instantly tenses in Eliott’s arms because _what_ is happening.

Eliott’s breath is hot on the back of Lucas’ neck rustling his hair, and his hands are big and warm where they’re pressed against Lucas’ chest and Lucas’ heart is beating so fast it’s a wonder his ribs haven’t burst open with the force of it.

Lucas’ first thought is that Eliott doesn’t realize what he’s doing, that he can’t, not when he’s holding Lucas like _this_ , like he wants him, like he needs him. It’s not something _just friends_ do. But then he thinks of last night, and Eliott’s whispered pleas for him to stay and he can’t deny that Eliott must know it’s Lucas he’s holding, which means, in turn, that Eliott must _want_ to hold Lucas, which has implications that Lucas is not awake enough to follow through on and it’s just a bit overwhelming…

Eliott shifts behind Lucas, tangling their legs together and Lucas starts, suddenly desperate to put some space between them as something sparks in the pit of his stomach at the proximity. He wrenches himself free of Eliott’s hold and rolls out of bed, not stopping at the sound of the duvet rustling behind him as he sprints out of the room and towards the bathroom. 

He slams the door shut behind him and leans back against it, willing his breath to even out as he clicks on the light switch out of habit, only to find the power has been restored in the night. A blessing, as that means a quicker exit for Lucas who can’t imagine he’ll make it much more time here pretending like this. 

He turns on the sink and splashes some cold water on his face, raising his head to look in the mirror and finding something wild and frantic looking back. He looks overwhelmed and a bit panicked and it’s made even worse seeing himself in Eliott’s shirt. He takes a few deep steadying breaths willing himself to get control of this situation and brushes his teeth, splashing water on his face once more for good measure. By the time he finishes, he’s looking significantly less panicked. Which is good, seeing as he’ll have to face Eliott and his parents at least once more before he escapes.

He opens the door to the bathroom and trudges back down the hall, pushing open the door to find Eliott sitting at the foot of his bed, fidgeting with his hands.

“Lucas…” Eliott says softly as he walks in the door. “I–”

But Lucas can’t hear this, can’t hear Eliott give whatever explanation he probably has planned for the way he held him last night, can’t hear Eliott brush it all off as friendship and break Lucas’ heart for the thousandth time. He’s just not strong enough for it this morning, the barriers around his chest weakened by the displays of domesticity. In a week, they’ll be hardened again, strong and ready for whatever way Eliott inevitably dismisses him. But not today. He can’t do it today.

“I think I have to head back,” Lucas interrupts cheerfully, picking up his jeans from where he discarded them yesterday and pulling them on, putting his sweater on over Eliott’s t-shirt. “I have a huge exam I need to study for and I promised I’d meet Imane later today, so…”

He chances a glance up at Eliott and is a little stunned to find Eliott looking at him with wide, tentative eyes. He doesn’t like Eliott looking at him like that, slightly sad. He’d take things as they were, with him loving Eliott from afar, if it meant not seeing that on Eliott’s face again. 

“Lucas, I think we need to talk,” Eliott tries again, his voice small and a little weak. But Lucas doesn’t want to have to talk about it.

“I’m sorry Eliott,” Lucas says quickly, “but can we talk later? I really have to go.”

He doesn’t wait for a response, pretends he doesn’t hear when Eliott says his name again, a hint of desperation there. 

Lucas thunders down the stairs, taking them two at a time, knowing if he can only get out of the house and into the frozen world there’s a chance they can pretend this never happened, that nothing’s changed, that Eliott didn’t give Lucas everything he wanted only to rip it away.

Lucas’ heart stings.

He goes into the hallway and begins lacing up his shoes, grabbing his coat and his scarf from the hook and wrapping them around himself, bracing for the cold.

“Lucas?” he hears Eliott’s mom call out from the kitchen. He grimaces, knowing he can’t betray Eliott now, not after everything. He doesn’t want to make things awkward with his parents.

“Hi, yeah,” Lucas replies, stepping into the kitchen where he finds Eliott’s mom seated at the island, a cup of coffee in hand. “Sorry, I’m running a bit late and I have to head out, but I think Eliott’s going to stay for awhile.”

Eliott’s mom looks at him quizzically. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay for some breakfast? Or just a cup of coffee?”

Lucas looks at her apologetically. “I’m sorry, I really can’t. But next time, okay?” He pretends it’s not a lie. 

She smiles at him and nods. “Next time.”

And then Lucas is out the door.

The world is cold and white and quiet, the morning sun illuminating the soft covering of snow that fell in the night. The storm must have stopped a few hours ago since the roads have already been plowed and Lucas prays that the buses are running. Otherwise it’s about to be a rather cold and embarrassing situation for him.

He makes it about halfway down the street when he hears the first shout. He stops suddenly, his body stiffening because he would know that voice anywhere, the voice he thinks about often, the voice that comes to him in his dreams. Eliott.

“Lucas, wait!” Eliott calls out. And then, his voice a little thinner, “please.”

Lucas stops, powerless to ignore him. He turns, finding Eliott running towards him, clothing thrown on in a seemingly desperate rush, his shoes barely on his feet, not even wearing a coat.

“What are you doing?” Lucas calls out. “You’re going to freeze.”

Eliott’s caught up to him now, slowing down as he reaches him, panting from the exertion. “I couldn’t let you leave like that,” he says, his eyes meeting Lucas’, and it looks a bit like he’s been crying.

“What do you mean?” Lucas says, willing his voice to stay even. Apparently they _are_ having this conversation now.

Eliott takes a deep breath, his eyes dropping to the ground. “I’m sorry,” he says miserably. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

And wait...what? Lucas had been expecting some sort of apology, but more along the lines of _I’m sorry you read too much into this_ or _I’m sorry I don’t feel the same_ , not whatever this is.

“What?” Lucas says dumbly.

“I’m sorry about last night. I get it, I know you don’t like me like that, but I got caught up in everything, in this relationship we were pretending to have and let myself start to think that maybe...” Eliott trails off and Lucas nearly blacks out. Or he thinks he must have already, because there’s no way those words are coming out of Eliott’s mouth. Not directed at him.

“I know you probably must have already known. I haven’t exactly been subtle. Hell, my whole family knew and they’ve barely even seen us together,” Eliott chuckles but there’s no humor in it. “But I want you to know that I’m okay with how things are, that if that’s all I get, I’m okay with it. I just don’t want to lose you.”

And Lucas is, well, lost. He has no idea what Eliott is talking about. Did all those conversations with his family members last night finally clue him into how Lucas feels? Is he trying to let Lucas down gently?

Only this really doesn’t sound like a rejection. In fact, it sort of sounds like the opposite. Like Eliott is letting _himself_ down...like he’s been anticipating a rejection from _Lucas_ of all people because...but no, it couldn’t be that…

Eliott is quiet, tears apparent in his eyes as he stands, waiting for Lucas to say something when it hits him. When the full force of what Eliott’s just said rears its head and smacks Lucas across the face.

 _Oh_.

“Hold on,” Lucas says, his voice coming out barely more than a whisper. He tries again. “Hold on.” It’s louder this time. Eliott flinches. “What exactly is it you think I already know?”

Eliott clenches his jaw. “Come on Lucas, don’t. Please. Don’t be cruel.”

Lucas shakes his head and takes a tentative step towards Eliott. “I think you’ve given far too much credit to my deductive reasoning skills.” Another step. “I think you think I’m much smarter than I actually am.”

“I think you’re exactly as smart as I think you are,” Eliott whispers as Lucas stops, inches from where Eliott stands.

“Not about this,” Lucas says. “Not about you.”

Eliott lets out a shaky breath. “Oh?”

“What did you mean, Eliott?” 

Eliott shakes his head, keeping his mouth closed. 

“Because to me it sounds like you mean you have real feelings for me. That this wasn’t pretend for you.” Lucas reaches out and takes Eliott’s hand, smoothing his thumb across the skin. “And if that’s the case, I have to tell you it wasn’t pretend for me either.” Eliott sucks in a deep breath and Lucas raises his eyes to meet Eliott’s. He finds something like hope there. Lucas’ heart swells in his chest. “I like you Eliott,” Lucas whispers, as he leans in, their lips almost touching. “I kind of love you, actually.”

And then they’re kissing. One moment the cold air is whipping Lucas’ face, frozen and brutal against his cheeks and the next every bit of him is on fire, the flames starting where Eliott’s lips are pressed against his own.

The first kisses are gentle presses of lips, testing out a new terrain. Tentative at first, waiting for the other to pull away only to be met with an enthusiastic fervor, making Lucas only want to pull Eliott closer, closer, closer and never let go.

Eliott’s arms come up and wrap around Lucas’ neck, breaking their kiss only to nuzzle into his neck and press the words _I kind of love you, too_ into his skin. Lucas can’t help the shiver that runs through him, but it isn’t from the cold.

Lucas isn’t sure how long they stand there, wrapped in each other, gentle presses of lips turning into something all-consuming, Eliott devouring him and Lucas willingly letting him. Eliott licks into his mouth and Lucas has to break off the kiss in a gasp, desperate for the air he didn’t realize he was neglecting. But Eliott doesn’t let him rest, moving instead to press burning, open-mouthed kisses along Lucas’ jaw and neck. 

“I can’t believe you’re kissing me,” Lucas gasps out, laughing as Eliott wraps his arms around his neck and places a gentle kiss on his temple.

“Well I am,” Eliott giggles, pressing kisses all over Lucas’ face. “And you better get used to it because now that I can, I’m never going to stop.”

And Lucas has nothing to say to that except to turn his head and capture Eliott’s lips in his again, and again and again and again.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr [@lallemanting](https://lallemanting.tumblr.com/)
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated! 💛


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